Wednesday, March 25, 2015

"Yes"...even if

Happy Feast of the Annunciation! What a great day to celebrate Mary's "yes" to God. I love the reading because it contains my very favorite phrase, "for nothing will be impossible for God" and because it's wonderful to imagine the Blessed Mother being visited on that fateful day.

Here she was, innocent maiden, and an angel comes to her and delivers this news. I always tell the kids, "if an angel shows up, please pay attention because it's really important" and I often wish we had more angels appearing in our lives. Then, when I consider it, perhaps there are many...the wings are just tucked away.

Back to Our Lady. She asked one question for clarification and that's it! Can you imagine? We would have a million questions/concerns/worries. We would have to poll our FB friends to see what the consensus should be. We would have to wait for the Instagram comments to show up. Nope, not her. She just said "yes"..."even if" a million things.

I don't think it will ever be as easy for us as it was for Mary (and by "easy" I mean to achieve that level of trust in God's will for us). Elizabeth greeted her with "blessed are you who believed" because she knew how difficult it was to really, truly, believe that God would do what He promised. Hanging out with all of these humans can lull us into a false believe that everyone, at one time or another, will let us down. We think God is the same...not true!

Here is the final prayer from Fr. Humberto's blog today:

Lord, I have remembered through this meditation that you are the one guiding my life and all of history. I need to be mindful that you always intend good for me, even if it is painful and purifying. So I should never be afraid of your hand in my life.  I believe and trust in you my Lord, but increase my faith, hope and love.

How often we try to take complete control of our lives! We are the eternal two-year-old..."do it myself!" Please, don't say that "God controlling our lives and history means that we have no free will" - we, like Mary, are free to say "no" and do the opposite of God's will any time we choose. Plenty of people do. Have you noticed, though, that it's usually clear the path we've chosen? I am getting pretty good at telling the difference between "this is a disaster that I have created because I knew better than God" and "this is a trial that I have to endure". I usually suffer much more with the former and grab my rosary much more quickly with the latter.

Last night we were up because I was having a "but what do people think" evening. This is a huge trial in my life. I do feel led, often, and I usually just go, just say 'yes', and it all works out. Sometimes, though, the dark one is very near and I hear all the "what if"s creeping in...mostly it revolves around "stuff" and "perceptions" what will people think about where we live/what we drive/how we raise our kids, etc. I think yesterday it stemmed from my taking #1 & #2 to the vigil. There was a specific moment when I was unsure of the sanity of my decision but it all came to good. It was a teaching experience that could have only been learned there. It is something that probably went unprocessed now but that I know will come to mind later when these young ones are faced with serious issues. I trust that the seed planted will grow slowly and give them the grace they need when the time comes.

I know that when I follow the Spirit, there should be no doubts in my mind...I should be locked on the path that I know is His will. Alas, I have forgotten my blinders along the way. I am in the world and I do get tripped up more than I would like.

I am grateful to be blessed with a spouse who will give up precious hours of rest to walk with me in my uncertainty and remind me of the "yes" moments in my life and how wonderfully we have been blessed by them; whether they be triumph or trial. He is a good foil for me. He remembers things like telling #1 before he left for work, "set up your cello, look to heaven, then play your best". That middle part often gets forgotten in my daily rush.

I wish I wasn't so weak as to give into the doubts so often. So, I will continue to pray and listen and try to follow. I've tried the other path and I know it leads to sorrow and isolation. This way, even with the detours, I am sure that God will be my constant companion...never once leaving my side, even when it is too dark to know Him by anything but blind faith.

Blessed Mother, watch over us and continue to support our "yes" to your Son so that we may gain the ultimate reward. Protect our spouses and children so that we may help them to say "yes" in their lives. Help us to be a clear witness to others.

No comments:

Post a Comment