May the Angels Lead You to Paradise

It is with a heavy heart that I heard of the death of Justice Antonin Scalia earlier today. Certainly the world has strong opinions on this man, probably not in a small way due to his own strong opinions. Still, I mourn him because of what he was as a man, in addition to serving on the highest court in the nation.

He was Catholic. Devout. Drove his family an hour each way to attend Latin Mass.

He was the father of nine children. He and his wife were married for 55 years.

He was funny. Not vulgar funny, intelligent funny.
  

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along.

He was smart...like scary smart. Brilliant, really.

He was concerned with truth, not self-promotion. He knew right from wrong and wasn't afraid to speak the truth.

He was christened Antonin but those who loved him called him Nino. Yeah, that's why :0)

May God grant you peace.

Remembering

This morning's bulletin included the "Mass Request Form" so, since DH and I split Masses (sick little people) I had the chance to fill it out and turn it in on the same day. Score! With 10,000 people at a parish, you need to get in early to get your space.

This year, instead of just our usual July 26th request for the deceased members of both families I made a second request. August 20th, Bernadette Rocco. Yes, we named her Bernadette. It just seemed like the right thing, given the date and even better, the kids reminded me that we now have our "B" name to round out the first four letters of the alphabet. If we ever had "E" and "F" we could go all the way to "G"...never getting to "S" though. She is on her own ;0)

So, next year, we will gather and remember our little one. It will be good for us to be together and remember our trip - good and bad - and pray for our newest family member. It seems like the right thing to make it a public event so that our friends who prayed us through the trial can gather as well.

After that, we will remember in our hearts and maybe light a candle but mainly, that memory will be at rest. The little person we never got to know will be waiting until that day, God willing, that we see her again in another place. That is enough for me.

Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. This is another story altogether, as I believe it should be. Knowing someone for a few months is totally different than knowing them daily for 18 years and fairly often for 11 after that. My dad is not so easy to forget and for that I am thankful. He is in my heart but he is also in my children. That gives me the peace of knowing he is with me still. How blessed we are.

So, we will carve out time this week to tell the kids about their grandpa and to visit the cemetery to say "hello". It was so painful for so long. It's good to move past that and start remembering all the times before...the times when we were a family.

Happy Birthday, Dad. Hug that little girl for me ;0)

Is there a better smell

than rosemary? I love it...especially when it's cooking in the oven. My "Bub" used to rub it on her hands so she smelled good all day. Maybe that's why I like it so much :0)

Getting over it...moving on

Today was the 15th anniversary of my father's death. When I think about that, it is mind-boggling. When I think about the changes in my life, the changes he never got to see, it gives me pause. Where I am today and where I was 15 years ago could not be more different. Still, I am the same fatherless child that I became that morning.

It is true that time heals...somewhat. When I was recounting that morning again on this morning to dh, I did cry. I didn't have the raw, seething pain that I did then. Still, I felt it. I felt the distress, the out-of-control sorrow that comes when you realize you won't again see someone on this side of heaven. The difference, I suppose, is that now I can come out of that feeling. I can move beyond that raw emotion and move back into my life routine.

How amazing that is to me. God's plan for my life is always a bright surprise. The puzzle that, in retrospect, makes perfect sense.

If I had been given these little ones 20 years ago instead of now, I would have had to come out of that place immediately and I would have done a lousy job. I would have caused them to suffer while watching their mother deal badly with the loss of someone dear. I probably would have made them wonder what would happen if the same fate befell them one day.

So, here we are, 15 years later. Instead of burdening them with my sorrow, my babies are a balm to me. This year was especially meaningful because I could look at my five children like my father probably looked at us...with some annoyance, much gratitude, and an infinite awe in God's power to work miracle after miracle.

I took #s 1, 2 & 5 to Mass this morning and we prayed for my dad. I have no idea what the two oldest pray when he is their intention. Still, I know that it would please him that we are here thinking of him. That, even 15 years later, his memory lives on.

I miss you dad. Thank you for everything.

Yet these also were godly men whose virtues have not been forgotten;

Their wealth remains in their families, their heritage with their descendants;

Through God's covenant with them their family endures, their posterity, for their sake.

And for all time their progeny will endure, their glory will never be blotted out;

Their bodies are peacefully laid away, but their name lives on and on.

At gatherings their wisdom is retold, and the assembly proclaims their praise.

 

Sirach 44:10-15