This morning was the Pittsburgh Marathon. A HUGE HOOOORRRAY for Nicole and Kellie and all the mamas and babies they helped by running today. I did not run. I will never be among the runners of the Pittsburgh Marathon and I am OK with that.
I suppose I should take a moment to give another disclaimer regarding this blog. If you read something here and go away thinking, "she is goofy" or " wow, that's an interesting thought" or "hey, I like that idea, I think I'll try it at my house," it's all good. If you go away feeling badly about yourself, your kids or your life, you are reading it wrong.
This blog is not about "look at all the great things I do, the shiny kids I have collected or how smart and crafty I am." It's a visible "thank you" to God for the blessings I have been given, the trials I have and will endure, and times along the way that it all works out. If I haven't said this before, the days that I post that look shiny and happy and 'perfect' (what does that mean?) are all by the grace of God. I showed up and did my best...He made it happen.
So, back to this competition thing. It's a struggle, you know? For me it is, anyway. What to do, when to do it, fighting against being one place and wanting to be somewhere else.
Like today. It is an AMAZING day in Western PA. Truly. One of those days when you feel like you are getting the slightest glimpse of Heaven. I want, so much, to be out somewhere running. (Honestly, I don't even love to run but it does relieve my stress and it is the quickest way to get endorphins at the moment).
Alas, I am a single mother today. The needs of DH and #1 son come before mine right now. That's OK. After weeks like the ones we've been having (over-busy, no "me" time, stress...) I am extra thankful when the time does come for me to relax and unwind.
As always, God's timing is perfect. I did my competitive stuff in high school (sports-wise) and college/grad school (academics-wise). The timing is perfect because, frankly, I just can't do that right now. I am doing all I can to keep my head above water. Worrying about what someone else is doing better than me is way outside the scope of possibility right now.
Still, it can be a struggle when, even with other SAHMs, I run into one or two who are (just naturally I guess) competitive. Thankfully, I'm becoming fairly adept at moving past that. No one has the exact kids, marriage or home that I do so, ultimately, you may have success with something that will help me but, most of the time, we're all in a different place. It is good, though, to talk with other moms who have a similar value system and raise their kids to love God, Mary and the Saints. That is where I want to spend my time. I do my best to go there often.
On those days when I'm hormonally deranged and/or feeling badly for some other reason and I start comparing myself with God's plan for someone else, I try to remember SH. God has given me SH as a loving gift to set me back on track when I lose my way.
She has 6 kids. The youngest child is 7 months and the eldest is the same age as our #1 (yes, ours are close, theirs are closer). She is only 5 or 6 years younger than I. She is petite, always well-dressed. Today she ran the FULL marathon in a pretty short time.
If I want to wallow in self-imposed depression about my life, I just have to start comparing myself to her. I can spend the day going on-and-on about everything that she seems to have and I lack. I know because I have done it. (see? this is one of those non-shiny posts)
Then, one day, the Holy Spirit smacked me in the head and it occurred to me that there will always be someone who (appears at least) to have/be more than I do/am. That's life, huh? Since we will never truly know anyone else's situation, it's pretty useless to say "why isn't that me?" when we can never be sure if we really want what that person has (in total...not just the part they present).
Yet, isn't that society these days? Aren't we sad/angry because we don't have the cars/houses/relationships that they do in Hollywood?
Ugh. I'm so glad that I have been blessed with friends who aren't keeping up with the Kardashians. Let's make it a better world. Starting today, let's keep up with Kolbe, Killian and Katherine instead. K?
Enjoy this glorious day, wherever you are!
I do find it's hard to strike a good balance on the blog between "telling it like it is" (which might come off sounding like just a whole lot of complaining) and just sharing the happy/grace-filled moments (which might come off seeming as if your life is perfect and/or you are trying to rub that perfection in people's faces!).
ReplyDeleteIt is such a struggle that all women (and maybe men, not sure tho, my husband is his own biggest fan) have. We always think the grass is greener on the other side and see the shiny side of things and think to ourselves, "man, my life is so dingy!" But it isn't! We are all one body, many parts w/different gifts, talents and callings. You are so brave for admitting these struggles. Thanks for sharing. It's good to know that the women I look to as Holy and having it all together, have doubts, fears and struggles like the rest of us!
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks, Sue :) Do you know that there's a 5k as part of marathon weekend festivities? And you get a medal for it! Never say never! ;)
ReplyDeleteI've found that when I see others and I get caught wanting a little bit of what they have, I remember that they also have "stuff" to go along with the shiny that I want.
When I find myself reading blogs and wishing I were a different woman/wife/mom I try to remember that when I blog, I don't blog my whole life -- I blog tiny bits and pieces of it. While I do my best to represent myself and who I am to those who read along, I know that they do not get the completely picture. Intentionally. When I remember this, I just find myself wondering what these people's lives are really like, ya know?
I've found myself saying (more over this last year than ever in my life) that we all have our own "stuff" -- you certainly don't want my "stuff", and I probably definitely don't want your "stuff". You keep yours, I'll keep mine. We keep our own shiny, too.
So behind the petite well-dressed full marathon-running SH, she's got "stuff" that you don't want...which you acknowledge in this post. (Although, all of those things on the surface sound awesome to me, too ;)!)
I write not to tell you how to deal with this yourself -- trying to keep up with those K's is a great way -- but to continue the conversation and say, "Yep, I get it. I do it. Frustrating. Ugh." :)
(Also, I usually use a different word than stuff, but I thought it more appropriate on your blog to use the word "stuff" instead ;))
Thanks ladies. Yeah, it's not even like I want something different so much - I'm pretty comfortable with my shiny and my stuff ;0) - it's just something...not sure if it's me or society saying I should want other than I have. A sticky wicket for sure.
ReplyDeleteYou are correct, Nicole...calling it out as soon as it happens is the best thing.
ah yes the 'ol show your real kinda stuff. So many blogs gloss over/don't even skim the surface of it all. I admit, I can do that. But really, if/when I do have time to post something it just might be one of my shinier moments that I'm trying to preserve. LOL
ReplyDeleteMy friend, Courtney, started a whole series on Showing your Real... my time is coming at the end of the month. www.bowdensims.blogspot.com
anywho, I second what Nicole said. And Colleen. And Christine.