Weep in peace

"Weep in bereavement or misfortune, but weep in peace. You may lose everything, but you do not have the right to lose your peace...We can be very shaken, very upset, as long as it is only on the surface, but the depths of our souls must remain tranquil as the depths of the ocean, even during the greatest storms."
     - Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbee, I Believe in Love

I went to a bookgroup last night and this was one of the passages we read. Even now I am astonished at how the Holy Spirit puts me right where I need to be at exactly the right time.

Reading this passage, I was immediately returned to the month or so after my dad was killed. I went to confession and explained that I was there because I was fairly certain that I would soon be leaving the faith. I'm not sure the exact words Father used but it was something like, "You can be sad. You can be angry at God ...really, really angry. However, you cannot question Him or His direction for your life. He knows what is best for you and He will not leave you."

Needless to say, I chose to believe his words. Words that sound so much like the passage from the book. I made a conscious effort to live my faith more fully and to commit to a life where I would do all I could to put God first.

As I sit and feel this fifth baby kicking inside me, I am overwhelmed at the thought of how this all worked for good. Some of the worst days of my life led me to this point. There are still many difficult days. There will be even more to come (which, I believe, is why I was lead to read this particular part of the book at this time).

Through all the days when I can see my blessings clearly and through the others, when I struggle to find the grace to continue, my peace is secure. Under everything, the good and the bad, remains the calming force. For that, I will always rejoice.