Grateful

I've been struggling for footing lately. It's been several years that I've been battling the demons of competition and jealousy, especially in the baby area. It's probably hard for most people in today's society to understand but there is no small bit of challenge among those with big families...watching friends "add one" and wondering when and if you will join or if this is "all there is". How prideful, huh? As if babies are just beans in a jar and not humans brought into being by His perfect love.

I have been blessed in these last few days to have some breakthrough on that matter at least. It's funny looking from human eyes, then viewing it as God's plan. My biggest (and most frequent mistake) is judging myself and my family in relation to other people and their families. We live in community so we walk together but, ultimately, everyone's "plan" is between God and them.

It started with a presentation about "falling into the arms of the Father" and "resisting the urge to listen to the whispers of the devil" and ended with new pregnancy announcement (not mine), and the blessing of a day with someone who has insight to the future because she is living it now.

Why is it so easy to fall into this competition and so difficult to remember Who should ultimately be in charge and Who we should ultimately wish to please? I guess it's our nature as humans. We are flawed and sinful. How grateful I am for these glimpses into the goodness with which God has surrounded me!

A chance to take everyone to the zoo on a school field trip (we're learning taxonomy) and spend the time, not pushing a stroller or changing diapers, but just walking with my friend and catching up on the workings of the world while talking with and listening to my kids as they learn. It isn't without challenge, this current life, but watching where I was and knowing where I am now... there is a sweetness to it.

The day closed with a beautiful evening out, just DH and I, joining several hundred others to celebrate the ordination of three new priests in our diocese. DH said, "We're going on a date and it's church-related...that's excellent!" So grateful that God is helping us to have these moments to share and work on our life as a couple again.

We are blessed.