Welcome

to my 


fancy, huh?

I doubt that anyone but me has read them all but I do appreciate all of you dropping by when you find a moment. It's hard to believe but it was December, 2011 when I started this gig. Wow, where do 6+ years go? (random guess - having a bunch of little kids, a new baby, starting and continuing homeschool, and just living life). I'm getting older because it's definitely going faster (this morning I had a panic attack because in 16 years I will be 65 - kind of an elderly When Harry Met Sally moment). Time passes. What we do with it is the question.

Looking back on my posts, it's been interesting to see that there are over 40 that remain unfinished and thus unpublished. They're all about my struggles, mostly, but I don't think I intentionally left them unwritten. More likely I couldn't find all the words to put them together. So, as a fun anniversary exercise, I'll just put some of the clips down and you can finish them on your own (it's a test to see how well you know me...enjoy!) Thanks for joining me on this crazy ride. It's stressful and joyful and tedious and wondrous and definitely, definitely blessed.

I feel kind of compelled to sit down and write about this again. I can't help but think we're getting it wrong. Sunday's sermon was from John's Gospel about the woman caught in adultery.

 
That was only the warm-up, it seems, since yesterday's and today's homilies were also about our need to refrain from judgment. What I say next is going to leave you shaking your head and thinking I've gone around the bend but that's ok because I know you won't judge me...right?

Does anyone think we can go through life without judgment? I'm looking at the two definitions above (I'm guessing the good fathers are speaking of #1.1 when they beg us refrain) and I can't see myself clear to eliminate either from my daily life. The first would result in calamity (I have given up planning dinner...or making dinner, washing dishes, putting gas in the car, etc...because I just don't want to make a judgment) or at the very least constant annoyance (have you ever been on a committee or in a group with people who can't make a decision because they can't commit to that judgment? It's maddening). The second would leave us robots. Truly. It would literally make us not care about anything that happens (thus lacking an opinion).

My kids are a wonderful, amazing, unexpected gift. Each day brings a new realization of God's great love for me because He chose to let us borrow these miracles for a few years. Of course, the other side of that is God's great love for me that allows me to join in His Passion through parenthood. It's not easy. So many times I've felt like I had it all together and God decided I needed a little bit of mortification just then to purify me even further. It's all good. It has, over the last ten years, allowed me to hone my ability to offer up suffering and endure public humiliation for God's greater glory. Like most things in life, there are ups and downs. Last week I told the kids maybe I would get an apartment somewhere else and they could live with their dad and visit me occasionally. No one had a strong reaction but DH, who had a really strong reaction, which was extremely sweet on his part. The kids eventually figured out the right answer and wrote me a lovely apology, including four things they like about me. It was a good exercise. I realized how much DH appreciates me. I also understand the kids' response. I probably would have said the same thing. We're back to normal and enjoying our time together learning, playing and just hanging out. I am so blessed to be with them now. I pray I will never take one of our days together for granted.

"To join two things together there must be nothing between them or there cannot be a perfect fusion. Now realize that this is how God wants our soul to be, without any selfish love of ourselves or of others in between, just as God loves us without anything in between."
— St. Catherine of Siena

 I've been going to meetings and seeing articles that have a somewhat disturbing trend. The justification for separating ourselves from God by almost anything...sleep (me), sports, friends, lifestyle choices, nutrition.

As patience leads to peace, and study to science, so are humiliations the path that leads to humility. --St. Bernard of Clairvaux

It's funny that I am still caught so many times. I must have known, having waited with the judgment post for over a year, there was a reason (ahem) I would choose to post it that very day. So there was.

My #1 child, for those who are not familiar with her, is an interesting puzzle. It's pretty clear that God has shared some great plan with her and she has chosen, for the most part, to follow along.  Her interests are very much that of the other world. She isn't so concerned with music that was written after the 19th century. Fashion, not at all. She likes to learn about Saints and their stories. Her most recent fascination is choosing the scapular that is most suited to her. At the same time, she can be the most sullen and sneering person I've met that hasn't reached her teens.

I write all of this knowing that she is exactly who God planned her to be. I'm sure our parenting helps that at times and hinders it at others. My prayer for her has always been to follow God and hear His plan. When difficulties come, I pray that she will walk through them with Him to guide her and learn the lesson that is given.

So, I can't have been surprised when, at almost the exact moment I posted the Judgment blog, she would fall for her first time. I should be grateful that it took nine years. I am more grateful that the error in judgment was immediately addressed by someone who looks after her best interests and wants, probably as much as we do, to see her succeed in God's plan for her life.

It's not my right to discuss the infraction and ultimately that isn't the point. The point is that we, no matter how much we open ourselves to God's will, no matter how much we pray, no matter...we all sin. As parents, we not only suffer the effects of our sins but those of our offspring as well. It almost seems, as well, that the closer we come to God, the closer the dark one comes to us. It is kind of a frustrating struggle for me. Do something kind, give of yourself, pray pray pray, wait for the kick in the face.

So, of course, I also happened to be trying, with all of my semi-conscious effort, to read a book of St. Bernard's homilies. Isn't it funny that not long ago I was exploring the one on humility and humiliation.

DH usually shakes his head when I take the kids on these types of odysseys. It is funny when I think about it. It's unlikely that I would go on my own. I am pretty much terrified of public situations these days. Somehow, with my kids, it's ok. They make me brave. Three huge blessings to carry along.

 

It is an honor and a blessing to have my kids around me all day long. I have such a window into their little minds as they work with one another. Sometimes the challenge is to let them work things out. A lot of the time though, it's a challenge not to laugh.

Talking to Blondie while making dinner

Me: We're going to Holy Hour tonight.
B: Ug. Is Holy Hour an Hour??
Me: That is always the goal. (we've only made it once so far).
B: Why do we have to go?
Me: Today is the fifth anniversary of the day Uncle died. We need to go pray for him.
B: I will pray for you and dad too; you're going to die soon.
Me: How do you figure?
B: You're both adults and that's who dies. (Ahh innocence. I do know of a young boy who just died but it's not quite the time to bring it up. We just got over our last round of nightmares).

 

It's good to be friendly to everyone you meet. You never know how you might influence their lives. Still, when it comes to the people with whom you spend the majority of your time, it might be wise to spend it with those who will reinforce your correct beliefs, challenge those that might be misguided, and ultimately help you to grow in your faith.

See? All caught up. It's like The Reduced Shakespeare Company - Sue's 6 1/2 years of blogs...abridged. Now we can get back to the Great Western Pilgrimage :0)

We are blessed.