If you have more than two kids, or kids of both gender, you've probably heard this question. "So, are you done now?". I usually say "it's not really up to us" and leave the person scratching their heads. The arrival of baby #5 hasn't done much to change that. Don't get me wrong. Living with that level of uncertainty can be very anxiety-producing at times. I kind of feel like I'm running in place while the world (including my kids) marches happily forward.
What I am done with is a "storage room". As our eldest son closes in on the age we deem suitable to be upstairs, I am getting more and more ready to have this room look like a room and not a resale shop.
It's mainly toys and clothes so they can all go to good homes (except the bassinet - I have decided I cannot part with that). I am struggling with some days wanting to load everything up and give it away and other days sift slowly through everything; taking pieces of my babies to savor while letting go of the rest.
I do know that I'm entering that sad phase again and it's really a trial for me. Thinking that this is, indeed, the last baby makes me so thankful for what I have and so despondent over what will never be. Although it's difficult for my dh to grasp since I complain for nearly the entire 9+ months, I really love being pregnant. I even love the newborn stage with the late night and early morning visits to that new little person. I love the time to bond, just the two of us. What a gift! I am sad that this may be the last gift. How selfish, huh?
At the same time, I am enjoying the progression of these little people. Our eldest, when hearing that our pastor was receiving anonymous letters telling him what he's doing wrong, wrote him a beautiful note that explained how much good he was doing for the community. We have even been taking our evening walks sans the stroller, thanks to the Bjorn (which is now 11 years old!) and this handy contraption.
Who would have thought that Blondie would want to ride in it? Still, what little girl can pass up the chance of sitting on daddy's shoulders?
I love the thought of what we must look like when we take our treks up the main street. The other night, a man in his car stopped at the light, held up his open hand up and mouthed the word "five?" with an astonished look. We just smiled and kept walking.
No, buddy, I have no idea whether or not we're "done" ;0)
