So, how's that Lent coming along?

** Right, so I started this during Lent and tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday. That should tell you all you need to know. Still, if you're interested, read on...

As you may have noticed, I haven't had that much time to check in lately. Partly it's because I think good thoughts and, by the time I'm ready to write them down, I've talked myself out of it. Partly it's because I don't have all that many thoughts to put together lately and, partly, it's because I just haven't had the time. All good things (for the most part, anyway) just many things that keep me busy and away from this space. But, just in case you were wondering if I'd succumbed to old age or just given up, here I am with an update.

I've found, over my many Lents, I can make a plan to give something up, do more of something, etc., and it works about half the time. Usually, when it doesn't work, it's because it was either a dumb idea (giving up coffee - my addiction is so strong at this point, the migraines that follow for days aren't as penitential for me as they are for anyone in the near vicinity) or God just has other plans.

We have the usual Lenten plan of more church time, more family time, and less food and TV. I gave up all meat and, other than one run in with beef jerky (I got it as it went into my mouth..."beef is meat"...I'm not always that awake), I'm kind of surprised with how little I miss it. We'll see how the second half goes.

As always with Lent, God makes other plans and gives us every opportunity to offer up the roadblocks that come our way (I was so pleased with myself - halfway through the bad sushi aftermath, I remembered to offer up my current distress for pregnant moms or anyone else not feeling so great just then). Here is a bit of a photo-dump of things that have happened, are happening, and will happen to make this just the BEST LENT EVER! Totally not sarcastic - I love that God knows that He's got a better plan and that I'm getting older and starting to understand how this works. Yay!

First unplanned penance opportunity..Miss #1 decided, because it was her last year of eligibility, she wanted to enter the Scripps Spelling Bee one last time. She was runner up two years ago and I think it bothered her. (ahh, firstborns...I would have forgotten it by now)

Yes, she won! I was praying to Our Lady the whole time (and she said she was praying to St. Jerome) - guess that's a powerful duo. 

This is her official National Spelling Bee photo. Somehow my baby is beautiful and all grown up. This was the first of many things in the last month that made me realize, very soon, she'll be gone from us to follow God's plan. All good but still somewhat painful for a mama's heart.

We had to go to the Post Gazette office to get her engraved trophy (it was a typical, dark Pittsburgh day) that was also about the time her photos were in the paper and people started congratulating her and making a big deal in her honor.

That is a wonderful thing - having people recognize an achievement. I was scolded a few times for not making a general announcement about my brilliant daughter. More on that sometime later but, really, I'd just rather people see things themselves and decide whether or not to comment. The other way smacks too much of ...I don't have the word...but something we're trying not to encourage.

This brush with "fame" if it's even that, was a good Lenten challenge that God gave us. It's proven to recenter our focus on Him and remember, in wins and in losses, all glory is His.

This first half of Lent also had days that remind me of how blessed we are to be between two houses (despite how much I complain...I'm sorry about that, I really shouldn't). There were many days when I looked out the window and saw above and this...

the city kids playing outside and running and running with no input or worry from me. What a blessing this new home has been. How good it has been to take time to cherish all the wonderful blessings (and trials) we've been given in our current home. I think the slow transition is right for all of us - enough time to move on to the next chapter.

Speaking of houses...were I younger and had fewer people around all-day-every-day I would totally rehab houses. What a gift it was to rip up this carpet to find beautiful hardwood. 

how excited I will be when that icky green is off the walls.

Determination. Lent is a good time for boot camp, don't 'cha think? Little pink-shoes-blondie there in the black. She cries almost every week (because she is so nervous) and by pickup, the commanding officers usually have many comments about her grit. This has taken extra time out of our Lenten preparations but I think it's worth it (not just because 4 of the 5 are there and we have tiny all to ourselves :0)) Managing your emotions is a little like fasting. Learning how to give up, offer up, move through...all excellent lessons to learn in self-control. I could definitely have benefited from YM in my youth.

They tell me this is a "squad push up" - I'm thinking you'd have to be a superhero to pull that off. (I love the drill instructor up there)

Every now and then, I even get to read. I took a weekly Adoration hour for the 40 Days. It's been a struggle for many reasons, mostly the workings of the opposing team if I had to guess. It is nice, though, to have a few minutes to sit down with St. John of the Cross. #newfav

I've loved this Lent for all the surprise moments that have cropped up...like this Stations of the Cross. The 3rd graders, somewhere around Station 7, just started reading their part, loud and clear. Cute altar boy too ;0)

Ultimately, this last one has been what God had planned, I think. I took our five down to the 40 days vigil to stand with our parish for an hour one afternoon. The shift manager took this photo and they posted it on their FB page. It went viral, or something like that, with many views, lots of comments, and people all over the world looking at my kids...specifically the one in the middle. 

Most of the comments were positive and uplifting. My Lenten challenge were the ones who were less so. We, as parents were called things like shameful and users and neglectful, to put our kids in such a situation. It was a cross for many days; carrying that in my heart. It was hard to square such hateful comments from people I didn't know and who didn't know our family or our children. Even more so because they were likely people who would support me as a mother if I wanted to murder my child in the womb. 

Ultimately, with the help of Our Lady and many prayers from others, the hurt passed. I'm called to love everyone made in the image of God (that's everyone!) even when they disagree, even when they call me names, even when they judge me without knowing me. How can I ask mercy for my faults if I'm unwilling to show mercy to those who most need it? 

Tomorrow is Divine Mercy Sunday so that is a good place to end this Lenten reflection (and move on to Easter rejoicing!). If we choose to wade in the mire of sin, there will be many there to join us. If we somehow, through unmerited grace, manage to lift ourselves up, repent, and seek forgiveness, Our Heavenly Father will be there to welcome us with open arms. 

We are so blessed. 

God's Stitchery

I've heard a few different people say it in a few different ways so, please don't think it's my genius as a wordsmith: God is making an amazing tapestry, with our lives as threads, (or whole tapestries depending on whom you ask) and often it looks "messy" underneath - we won't see the beauty until we leave this world and see it from above.

I think I agree with most of that but perhaps it would be more encouraging, as it has been for me, if we look for the "stitches" that happen in our lives. Today, for instance...

Twenty-one years ago, we buried my dad. It wasn't a welcome end to a lingering illness. It was a horrible accident, 6 days after my 29th birthday and 6 days before Christmas. It was a truly devastating tragedy. To say God allowed my life to be pierced that day in order to begin the stitch would be an appropriate analogy. Left behind was a most painful wound.

For eleven years the wound remained. The hole where my dad was ripped from us. Advent and Christmas were trials, even with our new marriage and our two young children. It would sneak up on me when I least expected it.

I would never liken myself to Our Lady in anything but, perhaps, I could join in with a friend of one of the Twelve Apostles, just following Good Friday. God is good so how can this be it? How can this be the end? Why did this happen and where are we to go from here? I can empathize with those early Christians in their waiting those long days. It can be a dark time.

I did wait, though, albeit not always patiently. I tried to continue to attend Mass and receive the Sacraments. I am so grateful for this grace because one particular reconciliation with one particular priest is why I am where I am today in my faith. He spoke about anger and questioning but also waiting and trusting and not giving up. So, even in my wretched pain and sorrow, I did not give up.

On the 11th anniversary of that day at my dad's graveside, God pulled the thread and completed the stitch. We delivered our third child, a boy, who would carry my dad's name. The thread that had first pierced me so many years before; the trust that allowed me to hang on during the dark times; the grace that allowed me to walk blindly...allowed me, with my dear husband, to see God's handiwork. His finished stitch was so much more beautiful than I could have imagined. So much more good than I could have thought would come from such tragedy.

We were speaking to a priest the other night and he was mentioning the current crisis in the Church and how it was similar to 500 years ago. Following such a desperate crisis came the Counter-Reformation and an explosion of so many great Saints, so many people who trusted and followed and lived according to God's plan for them. How sad, he said, for the people who gave up the faith, just before -  how much they gave up! So, if you're going through a dark time...if the evils of the world (in or out of the Church) weigh on you...keep walking forward, listening to God's word and plan for you and don't turn from Him, even when the dark and silence are overwhelming. Wait to see how He finishes the stitches in your life. This is going to be one incredible tapestry.

We are blessed.