I choose not to decide

 

Which, according to Rush, is still a choice.

I will not decide in favor of those who choose to end life out of inconvenience, ultimately making the person in question less than a person.

Nor will I decide in favor of those who spout hyperbole, mock, or blame, ultimately making “them” less than “us”.  Those for whom I have to overlook much of the Church’s teaching and accept the choice as deeply flawed but the lesser evil.

“We are all the thought of the Creator. Each of us is the result of a thought of God. Each of us is willed. Each of us is loved. Each of us is necessary.” Each. Not a select few or only those who believe as I do. If you don’t believe it, turn off the news and do a little reading…start with Joseph Ratzinger.

Yesterday was the 23^rd anniversary of 9/11. The priest reminded us that, after the events of that terrible day, the churches were full as were the confession lines. The evil that was perpetrated drove people to the one source of truth, goodness and love that they knew in their hearts – They wanted God and they longed to be wrapped in His mercy.

Yesterday’s Gospel was from Luke…the short version of the Beatitudes from Matthew with the “woe to you” part included. The reading literally spells out what to expect if you’re following God (blessed are you) or the world (woe to you).

Need more? Let’s turn to Fr. Jerzy Popieluszko, a young, Polish priest who was assigned to say Mass for the solidarity movement workers in Warsaw in the 1980’s. He was a devout man who used the Mass and the rosary, not strong words or weapons, to bring hope and God’s love to his people. He was ultimately ambushed and killed for his actions but his words to the people lived on and are so important even today…

”We fear suffering; we fear the loss of some goods, the loss of freedom, health, or job. This fear makes us act against our conscience and it is by means of conscious that we measure Truth. We overcome fear the moment we agree to lose something for the sake of higher values. If Truth becomes a value worth suffering for, worth taking a risk, then we will overcome fear that keeps us in slavery. On many occasions Christ said to His apostles: “Do not fear those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do”

I choose not to decide knowing that I may very well be poor, hungry, weeping, and ridiculed this time next year. I’m ok with that. The victory isn’t here. The struggle is here. I am not afraid because, in Christ and with His grace, I can withstand many things. I pray that, in the midst of the suffering, I remember to close my mouth and unite my suffering to His.

I trust that God is here, as He is in all things. He will allow or will whatever happens and the aftermath. I accept that now, as His will, and I am preparing for whatever He wishes to let happen in our country. I love my country but I love God more. This is fleeting and whatever time I have left on Earth will be used attempting to know and grow in the Faith and to teach my children that Truth.

Maligning our neighbor, killing the innocent, shunning the poor and the lost; these are not actions of love and Truth. God is love and we are called to love. I choose not to decide. I choose love.

So, how is the Holy Spirit astounding you?

My friend just posed that question to me in her last email. It's kind of a continuation of a few conversations I've had with different friends lately, all concerning the Holy Spirit. Almost like it's something that I'm supposed to be thinking about because it keeps.coming.up! So, let's talk. 

This most recent discussion was regarding a pilgrimage that we went on with the kids in 2017 - a Holy Door tour of the South. We stopped in a tiny town (pop. 19,251) in AL for Mass which just happened to be the same tiny town my friend was now, in 2024, inquiring about. The priest at the church in the tiny town is a Benedictine who was ordained at the seminary which is on the grounds of the school where our eldest daughter, who was 12 at the time of the Holy Door pilgrimage, is finishing her Freshman year. Yes, I KNOW...so many coincidences. 

I don't know if Einstein said that but if it helps you, let's go with it...

Except not, actually, because what I was talking about with my other friend regarding the Holy Spirit was exactly that God should not remain anonymous. On the contrary! We should both expect and see the Holy Spirit at work EVERYWHERE! (Don't worry, I'm still working on it as well, we can start now and do it together!) We should be happy to share how the Holy Spirit is astounding us on this very day to anyone who will listen. Our God is AWESOME and He should not remain anonymous.

I have two very good examples in my life of people who live this every day: One says, "Thanks be to God" regarding most happenings in his life (my cousin, the Catholic priest in Slovakia); the other, (a dear Catholic Sister who is Slovak but lives in the US), when I put together a "coincidence" and realize it was the Holy Spirit, looks at me in the sweetest way and gently says, "Yes, of course" like, duh...why did it take you so long (but much sweeter)? You will learn about these two later in our journey.

Yes, I said "journey" but it is, of course, a pilgrimage (is there any other reason to take a trip)? Nearly a year later, I'm going to write down some of the highlights of our travels through Poland and Slovakia (and London by accident) because, who knows, someone might ask me about something seven years from now and looking back at what I thought was just a regular day was really some serious foundation being laid by the Holy Spirit for something to happen later down the road. 

I will begin with a confession. Some days this Holy Spirit thing is really, really easy for me. Those days are usually when I am in my house or other familiar surroundings and not when I am traveling. The first day of our journey, 6/15-16/2023, was the first opportunity God provided me with ample offerings to begin our pilgrimage on the right note (i.e. "offer it up") and I failed amazingly. 

The trip actually started out pretty well, all things considered. We had a night flight to London that, other than not much sleep because who sleeps on a plane with the lights on?, was pretty uneventful. Time spent playing Solitaire, watching Sponge Bob and other silliness - really much improved from the same trip ten years earlier when 5 of the 7 in our party threw up at least once. 

Landing in London and hoping to move quickly to Krakow was not to be - we were very, very delayed and when we finally boarded our plane to Poland, our luggage remained behind in London. Did I mention that British Airways only flies London-Krakow a few times a week? Ding,ding, ding, welcome to your pilgrimage...yes, I failed to see it and instead made myself and everyone around me miserable because, you know, this probably only happens to us (I'm kind of petty when I'm anxious).

Look at them, walking with such purpose to baggage claim! Unfortunately, there was only one bag to pickup. The other four would have an extended stay in London.

I guess, looking back on it, I only failed miserably with the luggage-being-delayed-two-days-thing. I did raise my voice to the luggage agent (why? what could she do exactly?) and I did scandalize my kids somewhat (a few of them anyway...the ones who dislike it when I raise my voice and forget the whole "offer it up" thing) I do regret that. It was not my shining moment. Of course, God made it good. Turns out, He was getting us accustomed to living with less and not worrying about the little things (spoiler alert, this would happen again before we reached American soil).

So, the very first day in Poland, instead of heading out on our long day of touring, freshly showered/shaved/made up/and wearing the carefully selected and packed clothing we chose for the tour, we wore what was in the only piece of luggage that made the trip and headed out with unshaven faces (the boys) and no makeup for me. I'm not sure if it was the unreality of being in a foreign country the first day or the incredible surroundings but we loved this picture so much, we used it on our Christmas card!

The place was amazing. The Wieliczka Salt Mine is like nothing else I've ever encountered. I highly encourage you, when you have some time, to click the link and learn more. 

All of the objects in the pictures are entirely made of salt. Ok, not the Sacred Heart light or the gold ring in the Monstrance that holds the Eucharist but every other thing. The Last Supper is carved into the wall! All of this work was done but four Polish miners (and a few helpers) who, clearly, were more artist than miner and who were so devoted to their faith that they chose to remain after their shift ended to carve and create these masterpieces. The statues and reliefs shown above are all part of the most incredible place I've ever stepped foot in and laid eyes on...

Saint Kinga's Chapel (click the link for her legend...it's a good one). Try to imagine, this was part of a salt mine that was excavated...none of this was here (and yes, the crystals in the chandelier are salt...)

There is more to day one but I will leave it here for now. I think it's clear to say we were astounded by the faith of the individuals who spent their lives working to glorify God in their daily work and for years to follow. Smaller, but no less profound, is the fact that our family of seven was able to begin this pilgrimage together and open ourselves to the Holy Spirit's amazing work (and God's amazing Mercy). Stay tuned...this pilgrimage is just warming up. We are blessed. 

Ash Wednesday - (The) Who says...

Somehow we've gotten through another year and back to Lent. I have no idea how that happened so we won't spend any more time on it except to say that everything in the world is kind of odd these days. 

My kids would tell you I blame social media for most of the evils in the world and I would say they're only partially wrong. We're in a time of such increased emotion coupled with decreased sense. Truly, I'm one of the biggest clickbait-fallers (new word) there is. That's why I do try to share most of what I see with DH. He's usually good for straightening out my thinking on something or seeing it from another angle. Ultimately, when something, a conversation, a post, a video, causes confusion or unrest or stirs up a desire to lash out with no charity or compassion, it's not good...I don't care where it came from. You can argue righteous anger as much as you want. Jesus said "I desire Mercy" and you need to lead with that. 

As always, I struggle with all of this myself so, I beg you, do not take any of this as coming from some theologian or learned person. I'm just trying more, every day, to open myself to God and His working in my life. He never, never ceases to surprise and delight. Today did not disappoint. It's Ash Wednesday. 

 

a little funny to break up all.the.words

I'm trying to trust God more and see Him everywhere (He is, isn't He?) so, sometimes, I admit, I will kind of test Him to see what happens. I hear the Holy Spirit laugh every single time because, duh, God is everywhere. If you're looking, you will find Him.

So, today, I decided on 8:30 AM at Mary, Mother of God parish, St. Patrick worship site. Full disclosure, the son of our dear friends is a priest there so I figured there was some chance he might be presiding and it's only 15 minutes from my office. I did not luck out with the familiar priest. The rest was definitely worth more than the price of admission.

I walked in, visited the restroom (it was a long drive) and took my place 2/3 of the way up, on the right, in the middle. Next, the debate. Do I veil or do I not veil? For those who don't know (because I don't write anything on here anymore, I veil now. It happened as a result of Covid. It will be for another post sometime but, generally, I look a bit like this:

oh, except no mask...told you it was Covid ;0)

So, veil tucked safely in my pocket, I have some internal debate...no one here will wear one, it will probably be a source of scandal for someone, no one knows I veil here, so I just won't. Except I do. And I do because of reasons that don't change depending on which church I'm in. Ok, veil comes out and gets clipped onto the head. I look through the readings and try to be as inconspicuous as possible before Mass begins. When I look up, there is a woman 3 rows ahead of me, with a black veil on her head.

"Don't you trust Me?"

"Well, yes, I do, which is why I put it on but thank you just the same for the reassurance."

Mass begins, we get ashes (I remember to pull my bangs up for the benefit of the distributer - see Fr. Alec's revulsion of touching people's hair - and because, then, they can nestle them up in there, nicely covered by my bangs and, as such, be nearly imperceptible to my coworkers...just a subliminal evangelization. 

Communion time. Next internal debate...Typically, I genuflect and take by mouth. While watching the other people ahead of me receive, it's clear that every person, even the woman in the veil, takes by hand. Well, I believe what I believe so, please don't let this guy behind me trip while I'm genuflecting ...except I didn't get that far because when I was third from the front, the woman in the line beside me, three people up, KNELT and took by mouth! "Oh, thank you God." I said it out loud, not loudly, but I know I did because the person beside me looked over with an odd face. I'm the crazy lady, no worries. 

"Don't you trust Me?"

"Well, yes, I do, but thank you just the same for the reassurance."

Back to the pew to pray after Communion. I was towards the front so there was plenty of time. I was praying for a fruitful, useful Lent, when a discussion I had with #2 came to my brain...he said, "You know, when I was little, I used to wish everyone a sad Lent, because it's sad." We had a discussion, which ultimately ended with remembering the happiness that follows the sadness. Enduring happiness. 

I was looking up in the sanctuary, thinking about that, and I saw the open tabernacle. Now, I've never been up close with an open tabernacle but I know there are other things that are in there - more than just the ciborium (ciboria? Sorry, Sil) that are being used but, at that moment, not seeing any of that, all I could think of was the empty tomb. He is risen, He is not here. 

Now, I realize, on Ash Wednesday, that is a very not-proper thing to think so, thank you for your charity towards my brain at the moment. I think it had to do with a discussion we had over the weekend with friends. One church is bringing back patens to help people realize that the Eucharist is special - it's the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Savior. That's pretty special!

So, I'm not sure why the empty tomb except to say, He's not there during Communion, He's here - with us, in us - He comes to us each Communion and we take Him with us when we leave - even during Lent. How remarkable is that? 

The homily was good - talking about prayer (we should go to daily Mass every day...even if we have to watch it via livestream later!), fasting (don't gossip - it means no Christan reason...or something like that - it was a good explanation...like you can talk about someone being in the hospital to pray for them but not just to gossip - if there's no Christian reason to mention it), and alms-giving. That I liked specifically...he talked about being charitable in your home first and, when you get that mastered, go out to the people (or at least work on it first). 

I chose to stay in my pew and pray after the recessional (ok, partly because I didn't want to small talk with anyone) but also to test myself. I heard on my favorite radio show the other day that Pope Francis, every day, says to the crucifix, "If you will it, You can make me clean." Then prays five Our Fathers, concentrating on each of Christ's five wounds. I heard that he does it before he sleeps so I tried it. No. I can't do anything repetitive or contemplative before sleep. It's not a good plan.

So, having some extra time while I was ducking the small talk, I knelt down and began. I'm ashamed to say I made it through 2 before I realized I was thinking about something else. That is how pathetically short my time span is (see above about Social Media). I'm not surprised that it's short - hourly Sunday Adoration is always a challenge - but goodness, I can't pray 5 Our Fathers? Ug. So, God being merciful, He allowed me to finish in a short while, after a few attempts. I think He was waiting a bit because on the 3rd or 4th failed attempt, into my brain, "pop" 

See Me.

Feel Me. 

Touch Me.

Heal Me.

Seriously, God, The WHO? 

Of course. Because, when I looked it up later, the lyrics aren't all that terrible and definitely something, for me, to ponder this Lent. Possibly most, the forgotten second verse:

        Right behind you, I see the millions

        On you, I see the glory
        From you, I get opinion
        From you, I get the story

More on that down the road, I suppose but, looking at those last two lines...Of course, God's "opinion" is the only one that matters in living my life and the story is His. His story. That's all we need for Eternal Life. For the happiness that never ends. For the mercy we have prayed for. Following Him is so much better than all the voices on Social Media or the radio or the newspapers.

Join me in Getting the Story from God this Lent. Let's learn to turn to Him for the first and only opinion on something. He is waiting. Just ask.