Welcome

to my 


fancy, huh?

I doubt that anyone but me has read them all but I do appreciate all of you dropping by when you find a moment. It's hard to believe but it was December, 2011 when I started this gig. Wow, where do 6+ years go? (random guess - having a bunch of little kids, a new baby, starting and continuing homeschool, and just living life). I'm getting older because it's definitely going faster (this morning I had a panic attack because in 16 years I will be 65 - kind of an elderly When Harry Met Sally moment). Time passes. What we do with it is the question.

Looking back on my posts, it's been interesting to see that there are over 40 that remain unfinished and thus unpublished. They're all about my struggles, mostly, but I don't think I intentionally left them unwritten. More likely I couldn't find all the words to put them together. So, as a fun anniversary exercise, I'll just put some of the clips down and you can finish them on your own (it's a test to see how well you know me...enjoy!) Thanks for joining me on this crazy ride. It's stressful and joyful and tedious and wondrous and definitely, definitely blessed.

I feel kind of compelled to sit down and write about this again. I can't help but think we're getting it wrong. Sunday's sermon was from John's Gospel about the woman caught in adultery.

 
That was only the warm-up, it seems, since yesterday's and today's homilies were also about our need to refrain from judgment. What I say next is going to leave you shaking your head and thinking I've gone around the bend but that's ok because I know you won't judge me...right?

Does anyone think we can go through life without judgment? I'm looking at the two definitions above (I'm guessing the good fathers are speaking of #1.1 when they beg us refrain) and I can't see myself clear to eliminate either from my daily life. The first would result in calamity (I have given up planning dinner...or making dinner, washing dishes, putting gas in the car, etc...because I just don't want to make a judgment) or at the very least constant annoyance (have you ever been on a committee or in a group with people who can't make a decision because they can't commit to that judgment? It's maddening). The second would leave us robots. Truly. It would literally make us not care about anything that happens (thus lacking an opinion).

My kids are a wonderful, amazing, unexpected gift. Each day brings a new realization of God's great love for me because He chose to let us borrow these miracles for a few years. Of course, the other side of that is God's great love for me that allows me to join in His Passion through parenthood. It's not easy. So many times I've felt like I had it all together and God decided I needed a little bit of mortification just then to purify me even further. It's all good. It has, over the last ten years, allowed me to hone my ability to offer up suffering and endure public humiliation for God's greater glory. Like most things in life, there are ups and downs. Last week I told the kids maybe I would get an apartment somewhere else and they could live with their dad and visit me occasionally. No one had a strong reaction but DH, who had a really strong reaction, which was extremely sweet on his part. The kids eventually figured out the right answer and wrote me a lovely apology, including four things they like about me. It was a good exercise. I realized how much DH appreciates me. I also understand the kids' response. I probably would have said the same thing. We're back to normal and enjoying our time together learning, playing and just hanging out. I am so blessed to be with them now. I pray I will never take one of our days together for granted.

"To join two things together there must be nothing between them or there cannot be a perfect fusion. Now realize that this is how God wants our soul to be, without any selfish love of ourselves or of others in between, just as God loves us without anything in between."
— St. Catherine of Siena

 I've been going to meetings and seeing articles that have a somewhat disturbing trend. The justification for separating ourselves from God by almost anything...sleep (me), sports, friends, lifestyle choices, nutrition.

As patience leads to peace, and study to science, so are humiliations the path that leads to humility. --St. Bernard of Clairvaux

It's funny that I am still caught so many times. I must have known, having waited with the judgment post for over a year, there was a reason (ahem) I would choose to post it that very day. So there was.

My #1 child, for those who are not familiar with her, is an interesting puzzle. It's pretty clear that God has shared some great plan with her and she has chosen, for the most part, to follow along.  Her interests are very much that of the other world. She isn't so concerned with music that was written after the 19th century. Fashion, not at all. She likes to learn about Saints and their stories. Her most recent fascination is choosing the scapular that is most suited to her. At the same time, she can be the most sullen and sneering person I've met that hasn't reached her teens.

I write all of this knowing that she is exactly who God planned her to be. I'm sure our parenting helps that at times and hinders it at others. My prayer for her has always been to follow God and hear His plan. When difficulties come, I pray that she will walk through them with Him to guide her and learn the lesson that is given.

So, I can't have been surprised when, at almost the exact moment I posted the Judgment blog, she would fall for her first time. I should be grateful that it took nine years. I am more grateful that the error in judgment was immediately addressed by someone who looks after her best interests and wants, probably as much as we do, to see her succeed in God's plan for her life.

It's not my right to discuss the infraction and ultimately that isn't the point. The point is that we, no matter how much we open ourselves to God's will, no matter how much we pray, no matter...we all sin. As parents, we not only suffer the effects of our sins but those of our offspring as well. It almost seems, as well, that the closer we come to God, the closer the dark one comes to us. It is kind of a frustrating struggle for me. Do something kind, give of yourself, pray pray pray, wait for the kick in the face.

So, of course, I also happened to be trying, with all of my semi-conscious effort, to read a book of St. Bernard's homilies. Isn't it funny that not long ago I was exploring the one on humility and humiliation.

DH usually shakes his head when I take the kids on these types of odysseys. It is funny when I think about it. It's unlikely that I would go on my own. I am pretty much terrified of public situations these days. Somehow, with my kids, it's ok. They make me brave. Three huge blessings to carry along.

 

It is an honor and a blessing to have my kids around me all day long. I have such a window into their little minds as they work with one another. Sometimes the challenge is to let them work things out. A lot of the time though, it's a challenge not to laugh.

Talking to Blondie while making dinner

Me: We're going to Holy Hour tonight.
B: Ug. Is Holy Hour an Hour??
Me: That is always the goal. (we've only made it once so far).
B: Why do we have to go?
Me: Today is the fifth anniversary of the day Uncle died. We need to go pray for him.
B: I will pray for you and dad too; you're going to die soon.
Me: How do you figure?
B: You're both adults and that's who dies. (Ahh innocence. I do know of a young boy who just died but it's not quite the time to bring it up. We just got over our last round of nightmares).

 

It's good to be friendly to everyone you meet. You never know how you might influence their lives. Still, when it comes to the people with whom you spend the majority of your time, it might be wise to spend it with those who will reinforce your correct beliefs, challenge those that might be misguided, and ultimately help you to grow in your faith.

See? All caught up. It's like The Reduced Shakespeare Company - Sue's 6 1/2 years of blogs...abridged. Now we can get back to the Great Western Pilgrimage :0)

We are blessed.

Lessons learned...

Well, we've made it through another Advent and have arrived at the big day...the Birth of Our Savior! It's a wonderful day to consider all the gifts we've been given, especially those of love and joy and peace. I've been doing a lot of quiet thinking today (probably more than the rest of Advent, sadly...) and I think, today, I'm grateful for the gift of clarity.

You can't change people - I've learned this mostly from family interactions but it's pretty true of everyone. You can hope and pray that someone will come to see the error of their ways, that they'll change their thinking, that they'll xyz...ultimately it's their free will and God's prompting. You really, ultimately have no ability to alter or change it.

You should manage your expectations and your responses - After reading #1, I'm still amazed at how often I am saddened/shocked/disappointed in people that I already knew were going to act the way they did. I suppose there is a bit of hope remaining and that's a good thing, despair helps no one, but whatever it is, I think I need to work on tempering it with reality. I know how hard it is to change, especially things that are basically personality traits. I need to try to lead more with charity and love this year...despite the hurt or disappointment...and to remember that I disappoint and hurt often as well.

For me, Facebook is a time suck and Instagram is a near occasion of sin - Notice I've not been posting much? It's because I got back on FB. It was all well-intentioned, I assure you. I wanted to keep in touch with Slovak relatives, which I have, and that has been lovely. Knowing my tendency to waste time on nonsense things, I capped my friends at 20 and I've actually only got 18. My problem, I think, is a Catholic Mom's Group, full of mainly young mothers with high drama and a few Charismatics who seem to only want to stir up trouble. It's taken more time than I would have liked. As I also suspected, being "connected" on FB has meant not checking friends' blogs or sending email because, well, I already know everything that's happening with them, right? Not exactly.

Instagram. Well, I'll just say I already know that people only post the wonderful, shiny stuff and still it manages to pitch me in to a depression every.single.time. Ug. Sometimes my weakness is stunning even to me, and I've been with it my whole life.

Life is difficult, God is good and merciful - Do people manage without that second bit? Seriously? I seem to have a depression trough that falls right around the holiday and I'm pretty deep there at the moment. There were times earlier in my life that days like these would feel like the absolute end. No solutions, no hope. I am grateful that God was there when I decided to look out from my navel and I am grateful that He will be there again when I chose to do so now. How good is the Creator of the Universe to wait on us? The pathetic little sinners that choose wrong over right so much of the time? It's hard to wrap your head around that kind of all-consuming-always-available-never-selfish-never-resentful love. Wow. How blessed am I?

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Thanks for coming to save us! I surely do need it!

In the buzz of the next week

as we continue the Easter celebration, rejoice in the Divine Mercy, give thanks for a decade of trials and triumphs with a certain boy we know and love...I think I'll keep this up on my screen. One of those random thoughts someone wrote before bed. Something well worth remembering.

we are blessed.

I don't know what to call it. Random with some vague theme running through.

“He who, being God, humbled himself, lowered himself, debased himself: to serve. It is service in hope, and this is the joy of Christian service.”  Morning Meditation, 11 November 2014

We're in a teaching moment around here these days. I have to say I'm pleased it's coming in the middle of Lent. Some of the children who live around here are having a difficult time with being right, being first, and being lauded. Let me say, firstly, all children (like all human beings) should be loved and honored as the children of God they are...being created in His image makes each of us special in a spectacular way. I'm talking about needing to be first and then tell everyone about it.

Society, it seems, centers around "ME", so we're working on finding "JOY" in life (Jesus, Others, Yourself)...I stole that from Fr. Richard who borrowed it from someone else. Ultimately, humility is the word of the week around here.

We live in a bubble, I admit that. We limit, in a big way, most things that are popular culture. My children don't know many popular songs and they read only a sprinkling of books that were published after 1950ish. The other day little boy was in the car with DH and asked to listen to music. Then he said, "I don't want any kids' stuff, I want fast Jesus music...give me K-LOVE!" They're wild with their father, we only listen to WAOB ;0)

Anyway, despite our attempts to isolate them from all negative influences, some of those deadly sins still manage to creep in...

Again, a feeling of well-being and accomplishment is healthy and important, especially in growing kids. They need to feel like they are competent to learn and grow and survive on their own. Pride, though, is a slippery slope. Let me say first that I couldn't even find many images for pride because almost everything that comes up is a rainbow. It's good, again, to have a high self-worth but it annoys me a bit when something gets hijacked like that.

Back on topic. We have to be constantly, constantly vigilant. The evil one has so many ways to trap us into wasting time, losing focus, or otherwise choosing the wrong path and turning our lives away from Our Father. Just yesterday in the mail...

DH joked that he didn't realize I was a feminist who enjoyed People magazine (the label was made out to "Ms...") Sadly I didn't order it and I don't want it. Not because I wouldn't read it. I would read it cover-to-cover. Why? Not sure. There seem to be times when I need something mindless to do because I'm so tired and I can't do anything productive (and just going to sleep seems to make no sense to my brain). Gratefully, I was not tired when the mail came so I recognized the temptation and into the recycling bin it went (after I checked the date and saw June 2016 as the subscription end...so I have to do this 4 more times. Ug). Vigilance is so important because we live in a world that makes so many things seem so good even though, in our hearts, we know that they're pulling us away from our intended path.

We took a detour from our normal routine this weekend and went to the monastery for vigil Mass. I love it there. I love order priests, they are so down-to-earth and forthright (Father took 5 minutes after Mass to explain the Christian themes in Frozen to the kids). I love the church there. The paint is peeling but people just see it as a sign of respectful old age, well-used from years of prayer and thanksgiving. Things age, people age, that is our post-Eden reality. Nothing truly lasts but God and His love for us. It's OK to fall short of perfection...there are many things more important than surface appearance.

While at Mass we heard some really important reminders as we journey through Lent. The second reading reminded us that we should be watchful because, even if we think we're standing firm, we are at risk of falling...vigilance.

These things happened as examples for us,
so that we might not desire evil things, as they did.
Do not grumble as some of them did,
and suffered death by the destroyer.
These things happened to them as an example,
and they have been written down as a warning to us,
upon whom the end of the ages has come.
Therefore, whoever thinks he is standing secure
should take care not to fall. - 1 Cor 10

Then Father spoke about how the lives of the Saints are the "antidote for the toxicity of today's society". How simple and how true! You don't need the latest Catholic thinker/blogger/housewife to point you on your way...read the Saints and the Bible and pray...simple and effective. (really, don't look to me for your religious authority...they did it earlier and better!)

We went to vigil Mass so that we could stand at 40 Days for Life with our home parish. It was good to see our parish and our 40 days family there at the same time. It is good to share prayers and time with those whom we share common ground. It is necessary to make and keep these connections as we move through life. It helps strengthen one's resolve.

While we were there one of our 40 days friends gifted us with the most beautiful origami pieces...including a nun!!! I am amazed at the gifts of artistic skill the Creator has gifted on some of the people in my life. How blessed we are to know these people and share in their gifts.

I got a box of baby butterflies!

Finally, since this has already been the longest post ever, I took two of my little people roller skating this weekend. What fun we had and how good it was for me to watch them move through the fear and uncertainty to the joy of progress. I'm so enjoying my growing kids and the gift I have to watch them mature and become people in their own right.

Continued prayers that your Lent will allow you to rise each time you fall and receive forgiveness each time you fail. God is so good to us! Let's show Him how much He is loved!

We are blessed.

MapMyRun said it's been a month...

since part of my ramped up Advent is trying to move more and eat less, I figured it was a good idea. It turned out to be a mental health boost as well. I'm not stressed about anything in particular, I just miss my small window of time to listen to my tunes and hear what I can hear. It was extra welcome since my favorite "baker" showed up after work...read on.

After dinner, I hopped on my again-working treadmill (props to the Holy Spirit for making that happen). First song? Jimmy Buffet, "Fruitcakes"

"We need more fruitcakes in this world and less bakers!
We need people that care! I'm mad as hell! And I don't want to
take it anymore!"

You see, my beloved is a baker. He likes to be in control of his world 24/7. He likes to organize when he's stressed. His stress often coincides with my been-home-with-several-fever-ridden-grouchy-kids all day. You know, when I'm exhausted. I don't want to "tidy" at that point. I want to run on my treadmill, take a shower and go to bed. So, I did and am and it's good for all of us because I don't yell...so much. Besides, I like my baker on an overwhelming majority of days. I am grateful for all the things he does to keep this place moving forward...among other things, making dough (lol)

Next? Ahh, Jewel. Perfect for the season...any season really. 

you know you love him if you put him in your will who will save your soul when it comes to the flower / who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy / who will save your soul if you won't save your own?

I read this fairly disturbing novel recently. It was dystopian/utopian society...all is good and proper. At least until the main character realizes that the people around him lie. We are all liars from time to time, truth be told. I don't know what it is but it always catches me short...how easily lying comes in society today.

Good news, though, we know who will save our soul, lies and all...we need only repent and be forgiven. His mercy endures forever! How grateful I am for that Mercy.

The next thing I remember
I am walking down the street
I’m feeling all right
I’m with my boys
I’m with my troops, yeah
And down along the avenue
Some guys were shootin’ pool
And I heard the sound of a cappella groups, yeah
Singing late in the evening
And all the girls out on the stoops, yeah

I do love Paul Simon. He is so timeless and so rhythmically pleasing. A good upbeat song on which to end. Well, maybe just one more ;0)

My favorite choir, right here at home! I am so very blessed.

Maranatha, Come Lord Jesus! 

Moving through the world

I'm in a different place these days. I feel a bit like a hermit, going through my day and interacting with those in my immediate vicinity but not reaching out much. I hope those who are far away (but in my mind and heart constantly) understand. I hope they can feel the prayers that are included for them as I pass through my day.


I have mentioned that this has been a failed "Saturday" experience. I run with #2 while DH deals with the rest until we get home. While not the worst, and not the best, today is a good example of what our schedule has been...

8 AM :Everyone has breakfast together

9 AM : I head to CMU with son and DH heads to CCD with the rest

9:30: DH and Mr. G drop off supplies for soccer end-of-party

10:30 DH takes kids from CCD to soccer

Noon - Soccer ends, party commences

12:30: We leave CMU, home for lunch

1:30: DH home with 4, takes boys to Blue Knights

2:30: Grammy shows up to sit little two and I head to church with #1 for wedding

3 PM : #1 serves wedding

4 PM: distribute worship aids in downstairs church

5PM: We attend Vigil Mass as a family, #1&#2 serve

I know how many people around me have these or worse schedules each weekend so I'm not really complaining. I'm simply saying that this will not again be our choice. It's kind of crazy, after a full week, to spend a whole weekend day running from place to place. That leaves Sunday for errands, wash, etc. and we say "no" to that so it ultimately means I'm behind on Monday. Thanks but no thanks...so, the winter will bring a much-reduced load. We are choosing to re-prioritize.

In the meantime, I've managed to work out a routine that helps keep me centered and sane. It gives me enough time to rest before running off to the next thing. God has blessed us with good Saturday weather for the most part so I drop the dear boy off to his building and take the 10 minute walk to the library. Like today, I usually manage three of five decades of the rosary and reach the steps with 10 or so minutes left until it opens to finish the last two. Perfect.

I have 2+ hours so I usually wander around a bit before I sit down to work.

Today the beauty of this city just struck me...the doors and arches of the library

the tower of the Cathedral of Learning (the tallest education building in the US). Today I was fascinated at the window air conditioning units in the tippy-top floors. I have been known to drop one out a window. Glad I don't work there!

The interior of the library is equally stunning.

How good God is to give me the time to walk, pray, and appreciate the gifts He has given to so many talented artisans. What a relaxing (and much-needed) break in the middle of our busy lives.

Oh, don't feel too badly for DH. In two weeks he will be gone for 2 1/2 days on retreat while I finish up the last of our crazy Saturdays!

We are blessed.

Now that "election season" has officially begun...

I believe this will be my mantra...

and for the times I fail...

We are blessed.

Don't bring me down...

so, I finally coordinated "quiet time" and work time and had everyone in their place when I got on the treadmill and found the screen was dead. (yes, I suppose I could run outside but it's something like 14 and I have these five people to bring along with me...)

You got me runnin' goin' out of my mind
You got me thinkin' that I'm wastin' my time

Yes, ELO did just happen to be playing at that moment. It was then that I realized how very affected I am by music. I think that's the only reason I run at this point. It's like the daily fortune cookie of music.

All of her lovers all talk of her notes
And the flowers that they never sent
And wasn't she easy?
Isn't she pretty in pink?
The one who insists he was first in the line
Is the last to remember her name
He's walking around in this dress that she wore
She is gone but the joke's the same

 Makes me sad thinking about a sad situation right now. That was immediately followed by

I've had enough, I'm getting out
To the city, the big big city
I'll be a big noise with all the big boys
There's so much stuff I will own
And I will pray to a big god
As I kneel in the big church

Which makes me lol because I sing it every time (jokingly) I walk into my parish. The fit is disturbingly appropriate some of the time.

Ultimately, I like it when the Holy Spirit hooks me up with a good reminder, good or bad, or just makes me laugh or see something differently.

The treadmill belt and controls still worked, it turns out, it just didn't show how fast/far I was going. So, I put it on "pretty fast" and ran for 30 min while listening to all of these lovely tunes. The time to myself, getting lost in my music, recharging my spirit. Kind of appropriate that this would show up during cool down.

Got no butler, got no maid.
Still I think I've been overpaid,
I've got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.
Got no silver, got no gold,
What I've got can't be bought or sold.
I've got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.

Blessings to you on this snowy, blustery day (yes, I think it calls for some Pooh now that you mention it). Keep thinking about your blessings, even if you get sidetracked a bit by something difficult or sad. Ultimately we all have our loving Father and that's even better than the sun AND the moon ('cause, you know, He created all that).

We are so very blessed.

Just thinking aloud here...

I have no time to read "novels" at all anymore but I do see what other people seem to gravitate toward. Can you explain to me the fascination with "utopian/dystopian" future times? Why is this of interest? Did you not read 1984 in high school? I was in high school in 1984, reading 1984, and mildly amused the entire time. Amused but not fascinated...why does it matter what's going to happen then. Are you not busy with what is happening now? Truthfully, is this something good to think about anyway? If the environment and government collapse do you want to spend time on it one minute before you have to? Will it change the outcome? Or is it a good shot in the arm to remember your reusable shopping bags? (I know, snarky, but I really am wondering about this and disturbed by the trend...what if everyone spends time reading dystopian novels and decides that is what society must be turning into and, so, begins to forgo all of the traditional social mores and ignores public decency and...oh, wait.)

I think it's not too late. Put down your dystopian novels and pick up the Bible, the Lives of the Saints or anything that has God in the storyline. If you are reading these novels because your kids want to or, heaven forbid, the school they attend is requiring it...just say no. Surely there is something else on which to spend their learning hours? There may come a day when you don't have that power but, for now, you still do. Exercise your rights! You can do it!

Wishing you all a blessed anniversary of the Miracle of the Sun.

 

If you're looking for good material, give their stories a try. Fascinating and non-fiction!

 

 

Our Lady of Fatima, Pray for Us!

Hmmm...

Points to ponder

At the end of the stories in #1's reader, there are always several questions to answer. Today #5 is good for all ages and stages of life. I think we'll all sit with this one over dinner ;0)

If God doesn't do exactly what we want, does it mean that He's not there? Why do you think that God doesn't always give us what we want.