Blessings of St. Nicholas

We started on the "eve" around here. It was foggy and rainy and miserable (inside and out) on Friday and I was making honey cakes for some fairly ungrateful children. The only solution for that these days is doing something to make someone outside of our family happy. So, we packed up five boxes of cakes, colored some St. Nicholas pictures, stuck on a blessing and headed out.

 

 

DH was the helper and hung them on the doors of our friends' homes and stealthily made his escape. There was one close call which only added to the excitement in the car. Leaving packages for friends while driving around to look at Christmas lights...I highly recommend it!

St. Nicholas gave said children a little more than I would have liked (hee, hee) but he's got more compassion than I. By the end of the day they had earned all their loot through good works for others. And who can argue with little man who is now on a mission to seek out and eat all the gold coins?

wait...there is chocolate in my shoe?

 

After breakfast the older three had monthly CCD and then the group headed to the local nursing home to sing Christmas carols. This is my least favorite thing...ever. There is something so humbling when I see these lovely old people, at the end of their lives. It is so touching how much they love interacting with the little ones. It was such an amazing experience to have today, on the feast of St. Nicholas, who gave with love to those who need it most.

I think we'll talk to them about it tomorrow. I will be interested to hear their thoughts. They had lots of little kid comments..."those old people were really nice; I liked making them happy"

my sweet pot-bellied blonde

After the carols, home for lunch and out again with #1 & #2. He requested that she attend his First Penance as moral support. It was really touching how she was able to calm him when he was so nervous at the start. It was a beautiful glimpse into what, I hope, is a deeply connected relationship throughout their lives.

What a great First Penance service! Our religious education department is awesome and even though some of the little boys were too scared to go to the chair alone at first, everyone made it through. The principal/nun called #2 to make his penance and he didn't even look back. Afterward he said, "when a principal and a nun tell you it's your turn, you can't say 'no'" LOL. Here is the newly cleansed boy. We shall see how long he stays shiny ;0)

 

What an amazing day. One of those that you just see and feel God all around and the peace that only He can give. I even ran through the pouring rain with a grateful heart. I pray I, too, can keep this feeling for a while. It seems like the perfect way to celebrate Advent.

 

We are blessed!

 



Heaven and Judgement

Do you think when (if) we get to Heaven, we will get to see everything clearly? Will we get to see whether or not the people who "have it all" really do? Will we finally be vindicated in our beliefs and behaviors? Or, will we not care. Will it just be so fantastic that we won't even think to concern ourselves with what someone else has/thinks/does?

Personally, I pray for the latter. On an almost daily basis I am judging and being judged by others and, frankly, I'm exhausted. Let me explain.

It must be over a year ago now, I read a blog post by a most well-meaning Catholic about "dos" and "don'ts" at church. I had gotten to know this person a bit and I believe she meant it in the best possible way. Still, something about it troubled me greatly. I thought it was because I felt judged as a mother who couldn't manage to get through Mass with my small children with nothing but religious reading material. Yesterday I realized my true fear was the license it gave me to judge others.

We went to Vigil Mass last night. We don't do this often because of nap schedules and because, frankly, it's not the devout crowd that we're used to on Sunday morning. (You can say that's a judgement but, really, it's a fact. I see maybe one or two people at Saturday night Mass who are daily Mass attendees and the come late/leave early crowd seems to be in greater numbers at the Vigil).

Last night we were behind two women who were my age, a woman my mother's age and three children - two girls who looked to be friends, about 10 or 12 years old, and a boy who was about four. My two tiniest children were doing their typical "I'm in church instead of my crib, what is wrong with this picture" but, on the whole, were no worse than a usual Sunday Mass. The older two were suprisingly good as far as I could see. The middle child. Well, he's the middle child.

Trying my best to keep my kids in line and follow along, I found myself disrupted by the woman in front of me "beeping" her cell phone (not sure what that was) and the two girls who were chatting, flipping hair, standing on the pew seat (twice) and doing everything except following the Mass. Almost every time one of ours would speak or fuss, one (or many) turned around and just stared. Not even in a bad way, specifically, just in a rude way.

So, when we all got up to process to Communion, that was the end for me. The girls walked up and received as if they had been praying the entire time. When we all got back to the pew and C was less that pleased that we didn't just head home with the rest of the people, one of the girls took up camp facing directly eye level with me.

I smiled...stare.
I smiled again...stare.
I said "Hi, how 'ya doin'? Are you having a good Mass?" Yes, thankfully she did move after that. I am very much afraid of what would have come next.

I am appalled at my actions. I can't blame the blog post. I can't blame the lack of sleep. I can't blame the girl for being such a crummy example to my daughter of how to be properly disposed in Church. I can't blame anything. It's me. It's all me. I am a deeply flawed individual. Judgement is so easy for me. I hate that. Without a doubt, it is my most difficult cross to bear.

I suppose, in a way, that is the reason the whole "wow...five...(silence)" doesn't bother me so much. I realize how many stupid things I say and how many times I act badly. I am trying more and more to give "those" people some room. I wish I could be that laid back in every aspect of my life.

I digress. Back to Heaven.

My learning moment from last night was that I hope that everyone is in Heaven. Nancy Pelosi, Lady Gaga, Mother Theresa, me (!), everyone. I hope that we all have enough grace to get us to Purgatory where we can have our eyes opened to all of our flaws, repent, and be washed clean. I certainly pray that I have that opportunity.

Since I also hope it is a while before we get to that circumstance, can we all try a bit harder to judge one another less now? Can we also be a little kinder when we, ourselves, are judged? I know it's hard. I am terrible at the former and only mildly successful at the latter (in certain instances). Still, we have to try. Society is a big ball of sensitive stew right now. A powder keg ready to ignite at the tiniest slight. I don't like where we are headed.

I'm not saying just ignore what people say. If someone is judging you unfairly, think of the most peace-filled response you can and try to educate them. If you find yourself judging someone else and it seems to you to be righteous, talk to them about it - kindly and quietly. My response to the girl was completely inappropriate. Now she is probably going to be very anti-Mass and it's my fault. I am praying that she just laughs off the stupid lady and her comment (but maybe also thinks a bit about her side of the situation).

The upcoming election is going to be an extreme trial for me. Even the "like minded" groups I've chosen to join are not entirely "like minded". It is going to be a struggle. I am going to pray a lot and speak less. I am going to pray for my enemies. I am going to remember that we all bear many crosses and that I will never know what someone else is suffering at any given moment.

Weep in peace

"Weep in bereavement or misfortune, but weep in peace. You may lose everything, but you do not have the right to lose your peace...We can be very shaken, very upset, as long as it is only on the surface, but the depths of our souls must remain tranquil as the depths of the ocean, even during the greatest storms."
     - Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbee, I Believe in Love

I went to a bookgroup last night and this was one of the passages we read. Even now I am astonished at how the Holy Spirit puts me right where I need to be at exactly the right time.

Reading this passage, I was immediately returned to the month or so after my dad was killed. I went to confession and explained that I was there because I was fairly certain that I would soon be leaving the faith. I'm not sure the exact words Father used but it was something like, "You can be sad. You can be angry at God ...really, really angry. However, you cannot question Him or His direction for your life. He knows what is best for you and He will not leave you."

Needless to say, I chose to believe his words. Words that sound so much like the passage from the book. I made a conscious effort to live my faith more fully and to commit to a life where I would do all I could to put God first.

As I sit and feel this fifth baby kicking inside me, I am overwhelmed at the thought of how this all worked for good. Some of the worst days of my life led me to this point. There are still many difficult days. There will be even more to come (which, I believe, is why I was lead to read this particular part of the book at this time).

Through all the days when I can see my blessings clearly and through the others, when I struggle to find the grace to continue, my peace is secure. Under everything, the good and the bad, remains the calming force. For that, I will always rejoice.